Archive: August, 2026

At risk of having written about this before (and that's Google's fault if so)...

One of the strangest things about vacations is that I find myself catching a breath and recognizing my surroundings at the weirdest times. And by weird, I mean in the restroom.

Think about it... you get away from people, and the sounds and the sights, and it's just you. It's quiet. I'm starting a staycation right now, and had one of those moments. But I've had them frequently, especially on cruise ships and in hotels. That moment of quiet and breath is also a moment to realize, hey, things are pretty OK right now. I'm having a moment, and it's in between other good moments.

I recall the first time that I recognized that moment, aboard the Disney Fantasy. It was the inaugural voyage to their new island. But what made it feel good and familiar is the similarities to its sister ship, the Dream, which we embarked on in Europe the year before. Since then, I've found myself having a similar moment of quiet on other ships, in hotels, in restaurants, etc. Literally anywhere that mixes it up from daily life.

What a strange world where restrooms are the variance that you need to appreciate life.

The crappy algorithms of the Internets have, in the last year, pointed me at a lot of autism advocacy material. It is generally well intentioned, but also... not right. A lot has changed since my son was diagnosed, more than a dozen years ago. The thing that has likely changed the most is the number of adults who have sought a diagnosis. This is absolutely a good thing. It certainly changed my perspective on my life, and better prepared me to live the rest of it.

People in the community often talk about masking and coping as requirements to be successful in a society that doesn't get people with autism. They demand that it should adapt to us, as we are. While I freely acknowledge that functioning in a world that seems not built for neurodivergence can be difficult, the truth is that all people to varying degrees must adapt to conform to societal expectations. It might be harder for us, but we are not as unique in this experience as you might think. Whether it's the high school cafeteria or the work break room, everyone has their experience with those who are unkind or unwilling to understand us. It's not an autism problem, it's a human problem.

It's not that our experiences are invalid, it's that we're forming a tribe for the purpose of expressing a nearly pathological victimization narrative. Like, every human interaction is problematic because autism. Misery loves company, sure, but if this is what advocacy is going to look like, it won't change anything. Neurotypical folks are not the enemy. They don't know what they don't know. We should be spending our energy educating others on how autism affects your wiring, starting with the acknowledgement that we're all wired a little differently from each other.

Above all, there's a pendulum that swings between accommodation and accountability. It has swung way too far in the direction of accommodation, especially in education. Autism can be an explanation for behaviors, but it can't be an excuse. We know right from wrong, almost to a fault.

Also, I don't like the constant contest about who is autistic-er. I saw someone online say that they were "actually autistic..." What does that even mean? It's not a contest.

I was diagnosed just a few years ago, a weird thing to go through in midlife (also ADHD). But as I'm sure others can attest, it explained every awkward or difficult thing in my life. I've been reframing my entire life with this new lens. When I started my previous job, I owned it, and I told my boss about the diagnosis on the first day. I explained that the biggest issue is that sometimes I can't read the room or see the social cues that matter. Because I'm a manager, I then explained the same thing to my team. I had four extraordinary years with those folks, and nothing I would call an "autism problem."

Beyond pointing out my blind spot challenges, there isn't a lot for me to share with coworkers. I absolutely find a day of meetings to be exhausting, especially when I have to mediate conflict and solve people problems, which is most of the time. But if I get overwhelmed or can't do it, I stop. I excuse myself, do something else, or take that mental health day. I'm not going to get online and say, "Oh, autism!" Everyone has these experiences, often in very different ways.